The Paris Trip; an alternate version. Featuring Chris’s Imagination vs. The Voice of Reality.

As some of you may know, I read a lot. I read most everything, including spy novels, crime novels, biographies, sports novels, and even kid’s books. The only thing I don’t read is romance novels, like the Bridgerton series. All this reading tends to color my view of things and sometimes causes me to imagine our trips differently than they might have actually occurred.

You watch the Bridgerton series on Netflix though.

That’s different! Gentle reader, may I introduce to you, the Voice of Reality. Played by none other than the famous, M.

I’m not famous.

You can probably guess where this is going, but here is an alternate version of our trip to Paris, which hopefully you will have read about before reading this version, as I do not want anyone to be confused. Also, the names in this story have not been changed to protect anyone, nor were any animals harmed in the writing of this story.

It was around 5 p.m. in early December, 2023, when I set out for the bus stop. A blizzard was causing havoc in the village of Le Tour. The bus stop I needed to get to is 150m away from our front door, uphill. Through the snow. I knew that I could make it if I put my mind to it.

My mother could have made it, and she needs a new hip.

That may be so, but your mom is tougher than shoe leather.

I made it to the bus just before the doors were closing.

You got there 10 minutes early and had to wait in the blizzard.

I got off the bus at the Montroc train station, where I carefully surveilled the area for any signs of trouble. It appeared that everything was safe, so I made my way over to the proper platform.

You were the only person there and you were 25 minutes early. I am pretty sure everything was fine.

I have trained myself to be hyper-aware.

The only thing you are hyper-aware of is your stomach.

I have a high metabolism!

I boarded the train in Montroc and put my mind into Yellow mode, so I could relax a little before arriving in Martigny. Yellow mode is one of the states of awareness. White mode is when one is completely unaware of their surroundings due to sleep or some other distraction. Yellow mode is the next step up from White mode, and means that one is relaxed, but aware of what is going on around them. Orange mode follows Yellow mode, and is a heightened state of awareness and activation of the senses. Red mode follows Orange and is typically known as fight, flight or freeze status. Being in Red mode means that one is ready to do what is necessary to survive.

I’m starting to feel like I need a commode. You probably fell asleep and were lucky to wake up when the train stopped in Martigny.

I’m simply explaining to the reader the states of awareness.

The train trip from Montroc to Martigny went smoothly. It was a lovely evening for train travel, with the snow falling and Christmas lights in the little villages along the way. I felt as though I were riding through a child’s Christmas book.

Once I made it to Martigny, I hustled to the next platform and boarded the first class section of my train to Geneva. The valet stowed my luggage, while the concierge showed me to my plush leather seat, where an ice bucket with a fine Cordon Bleu ’22 awaited me.

You hustled a whole 50 feet? Also, there is no valet, or concierge, or any leather seats in the first class cars of the train. And you don’t drink.

True, but it sounds better than simply saying first class is quieter and has more leg room.

A couple of hours later, with Swiss-like precision, the train pulled into the Geneva airport station where I disembarked. I was staying at the five-star, Ibis Budget Geneva Palexpo hotel. I had arranged for the hotel Rolls Royce to drive me to the hotel, but I received a text telling me that the hotel car had a flat. This was disappointing to say the least, as the journey from the train station to the hotel is quite far, and it was freezing cold.

It’s not a five-star hotel, the clue is in the name. And a 10 minute walk to the hotel is quite far?

I did have 2 bags to pull along and it was freezing cold!

During my walk to the hotel, I noticed that the musical “Les Miserables” was coming to the Palexpo center the following October. I knew M would like to see the play as much as I would, so I planned to write down the information when I got to the hotel. However, it was dinner time, and I was hungry and therefore forgot about “Les Miserables” and anything else that didn’t involve me getting food.

The only thing that could have possibly distracted you more than your stomach would have been a bikini clad swimsuit model walking in front of you to the hotel.

Oh yeah! I forgot about her. She was doing that silly runway model walk and going too slow, so I had to pass her because it was dinner time.

I got to my room and scrolled through the UberEats app to find some food that I could have delivered to the hotel. Lucky for me, there is a 5 Guys in Geneva, so I ordered a burger and fries.

Lucky for you you’ve been saving your allowance since it cost about 10 times more than it should have!

There were a lot of fries though, and it’s Switzerland. Duh!

Moving right along, about 9 or 10 months later, the topic of musicals came up again when M and I were talking to our neighbor Rachel. Rachel said that she, her husband Dave, and her son Callum would like to see “Les Miserables” as well. After further planning and logistical magic by me, we had a plan to meet up with Rachel and her family to see “Les Miserables.” The only difference from my original plan, was that this showing of “Les Mis” was in Paris, not Geneva.

I did all the planning. Your only assignment was finding places to eat that had gluten-free food.

I did a great job too!

The day of our trip to Paris finally arrived in January of 2025. M and I took the TGV train from Geneva to Paris. The TGV is really nice because it connects to most of the major cities in Europe and even goes to London via the Channel Tunnel, or Chunnel, as it is known.

M and I arrived in Paris and made our way to the hotel we had chosen for our stay.

What’s this “we” stuff?

Well, I did search the general area for hotels before handing the job over to my capable assistant.

Everyone reading this knows who the real assistant is. He writes a silly blog and reaches things that are on high shelves.

Don’t forget that I can also stir really well!

We met Rachel, Dave and Callum at an Italian restaurant for dinner before the play. I had a fantastic pasta carbonara. The only issue was that it was about 1/3 the amount of what I would have normally eaten and after a day of traveling, I was hungry to say the least.

When was the last time you were not hungry?

1974.

After dinner, we walked to the theater, passing through a large shopping area with many different stores. One of the largest stores was a Krispy Kreme Donut shop. I had not seen a Krispy Kreme as big as the one in Paris. I hoped that they had some Americans there to show the French how to make a proper donut, because as the Voice of Reality will tell you, if there is one thing the French do not know how to make, it is a donut.

One of the more factual things you’ve written so far.

We had excellent seats for “Les Mis.” We could clearly see the stage as well as a screen showing the lyrics in both French and English, as they were sung. It was interesting to see how the wording changed depending on the language, but the songs were all the same as the American/English version of the play.

Everyone in our group enjoyed the play, and I was the only one who remained strong, and did not shed a single tear during the show.

You practically needed a box of tissues.

Allergies.

After a few more days of guided tours and catered dining, M and I returned home feeling that we had gotten our money’s worth from the big city. It was a wonderful trip, and I think we will do some research to see if there is anything else to see in Paris, like a museum or cool architecture or something along those lines, so we can go back and visit again some day.

You followed me around because you can’t read Google maps correctly. As far as catered dining goes, I guess you are referring to the fact that we ate at restaurants, where catering to people is kind of the point.

C’est la vie!

The Paris Trip

It was December, 2023, around 5 p.m. It was snowing hard. The bus stop is 150 meters from the front door and uphill. I knew that if I fought hard, and brought some snacks, I could make it.

After I made it to the bus, I settled into my seat for the long journey to the Montroc train station. It takes at least 2 minutes, possibly 3 minutes when it is snowing. While the journey seemed to take forever, I made it to the Montroc train station just in time to wait 30 minutes for my train. I like to be on time.

The train journey from Montroc to Martigny, Switzerland, was absolutely beautiful with the falling snow. A few of the little villages along the way had Christmas lights set up right next to the train tracks.

The train from Martigny to the Geneva airport was on time and uneventful, just as one expects from Swiss trains. I got off in Geneva and began the 10 minute walk to the Ibis Budget Geneva Palexpo, which is next to the airport.

Before I move on, I would like to point out to our American readers that I just made a 3 hour journey entirely on public transport. If you come to visit us, you can make the same journey. It only requires 2 train changes, both of which are quite simple.

The Palexpo is what people in American would call a convention center. It hosts all sorts of events, from concerts, to business conventions. As I was walking to the hotel, one of the advertisements for an upcoming event at the Palexpo caught my eye. Les Miserables was coming to Geneva in October of 2024. I was very excited because I knew that M would like to see the play, as would I. My big challenge then was to remember the fact that Les Mis was coming to Geneva, and to check for tickets.

I was hungry for dinner, so needless to say, Les Mis was forgotten before I even checked in to my room 5 minutes later. If you want me to remember something, it’s probably best to put it on top of a pizza.

Fast-forward about 10 months and M and I were talking to our neighbor Rachel. Something in the conversation triggered my memory that Les Mis was coming to Geneva. Rachel said that she would like to see it as well, and that she would do some investigating.

A few weeks later, M and I were again talking to Rachel and she had found out all sorts of information. At some point during our conversation, it came to me that Rachel was talking about a different performance of Les Mis than the one in Geneva. We all finally realized that Rachel had not understood that I was talking about a performance in Geneva, and she had instead found a performance of Les Mis in Paris. This was great news because the setting of the play is Paris, and it was originally performed in Paris. M and I got very excited due to the fact that we had not been to Paris in over 20 years, and we like a good “city” trip every now and again.

M was not satisfied with a trip to Paris just to see Les Mis, although it turns out that would have been a great trip in and of itself. Also performing in Paris at the time was the Ukrainian National Ballet, performing the Ice Queen, by Hans Christian Andersen. Sometimes that show is known as the Snow Queen, as well as being somewhat loosely the basis for the movie Frozen. We had never seen a ballet before, and had also never seen Les Mis performed in it’s original language of French. M and I were very excited to say the least.

January finally came around, and M and I were once again able to take public transport all the way to Paris. Driving to Paris would only get us there about an hour faster than the train, but that 1 hour advantage brings with it 2 huge disadvantages. 1. You have to drive in Paris, which might be the same as trying to drive in a Wal-Mart parking lot at 50 m.p.h., on Christmas Eve, with round-abouts thrown in for good measure. In other words, not remotely worth the stress. 2. You have to find a place to park your car, and then pay for that parking. Those two things not only bring more stress to the trip, they will also cost you at least that hour you gained by driving.

M found a hotel that was a short walk to most things we wanted to see in Paris. If whatever we wanted to see was further than 1 mile, we could easily take the metro, which is the Paris subway system. Tickets for each ride are around 2 euro and are easily bought and paid for through an app on your phone.

After arriving, M and I quickly got ourselves ready to meet Rachel and her family and head to the Theatre du Chatelet to see Les Miserables. (n.b. there should be some accents over the first “e” and “a” in Theatre and over the “a” in Chatelet as well, but I don’t know how to do that on my computer). Fortunately, even though the show was sung in French, there was also a screen above the stage showing all the lines of every song in both French and English. As all my readers will know, I am a tough, manly, sort of guy and of course did not shed a single tear the entire performance.

Everyone enjoyed the play. Seeing Les Mis in a 160 year old theater, in French, and in Paris was a truly special event for M and I.

One of the things on our list for the next day was to go to a gluten free bakery. Paris has at least 2 of these if not more. This was really a special treat for me since I do not normally get to go to the boulangerie and buy anything for myself. While everyone else raves about the almond croissants from L’Alpin, I have to pretend like I don’t even care, which is mostly true. M and I both got sandwiches for our lunch later, while I got a pain au chocolat and another pastry, all of which were really good.

We tried to go to the newly re-opened Notre Dame, but we had not bought tickets and the line to get in was about half of a mile long. We satisfied ourselves by looking at the outside of the church, which looked like it has for the last few hundred years, only cleaner.

The next day we got up and went for a run to Montmarte, which is yet another famous cathedral in Paris. In reality, you can’t walk 5 steps in Paris and not see some sort of famous piece of history, but what makes Montmarte a little different is that it is at the highest point of the city and offers fantastic views.

Montmarte is also good for running steps!
View of Paris from Montmarte.

M and I like museums and art and had heard there were some decent museums in Paris. We chose one called the Louvre, mainly because it was basically across the street from our hotel. The Louvre could really use some better marketing because as I understand it, hardly anyone has heard of the place. M decided to get us tickets beforehand, just to provide what I am sure is much needed support for the arts in Paris, but you can actually get in for free as well.

Even though the Louvre is contained in such a small area and one could easily see the whole thing in only a couple of weeks, we decided to make our way to the Italian/French/English/Dutch section. We discovered that was the section that contains a painting by Leonardo da Vinci, called “Mona Lisa.” Some of you may have heard of this particular painting.

We were able to see many spectacular pieces of art from a lot of different artists, but it turns out that walking around in a museum with thousands of our closest friends is like Kryptonite for us mountain runners. We were exhausted after 2 hours and couldn’t wait to get back to our hotel and take a nap.

On our last night in Paris, it was time to upgrade our cultural repertoire by seeing a ballet. Neither M or I had ever seen a ballet before, and being able to see one in the Theatre des Champs-Elysees was an opportunity not to be missed.

M got us great seats.

As per usual with shows like the ballet and the performance of Les Mis, we were not allowed to take photos during the performance. I can report that the dancers were all very talented and athletic, and the music was fantastic.

M and I had a fantastic time in Paris, and look forward to going back and exploring more of all it has to offer.

Go out and be consistent.

Long Time No See

As anyone who has read this blog in the past knows, it has been a long time since the last blog came out.  I don’t even remember what it was about, and I suspect no one else does either.  I have, of late, had the urge to write some more, but could not think of a topic to cover.  Therefore, I decided to just write and hope it would be something entertaining or informative for someone.


Some of you will know that we recently spent time with some good friends in New Zealand.  Fortunately for us, our friends have a house in Queenstown, that has plenty of space for all four of us, and they charge reasonable rates for food and lodging.


If you are in any part of the world, other than New Zealand, it takes a long time to get to New Zealand.  If you were to hop on a plane at the beginning of this blog, by the end of the blog you would have made it approximately 1 atta second of the way to New Zealand.  Until recently, I didn’t know there was such a thing as an atta second.  It is a very short amount of time.  So short in fact, that light would travel only the width of a human hair in 1 atta second.  I thought light was the fastest thing in the universe at 186,000 miles per second.  Apparently not.  Evidently, electrons are quite a bit faster than light.  Hopefully you now get the point about how far away New Zealand is from anything else.


The distance is why it is necessary to stay in New Zealand for as long as you can once you get there, which will somehow be either before you left, or in 3 months, depending on which way you cross the international date line.  The whole time zone thing is very confusing.

If you do have the pleasure of going to New Zealand, you will find a beautiful country and wonderful food.  Also, if you go anytime from November through February, it will be summer in New Zealand.  If you live in a colder climate, visiting somewhere else that is in the midst of summer is refreshing for the body and mind.  

There are some things to be aware of when visiting New Zealand.  It is basically two islands, North Island and South Island, where Queenstown is located.  Being an island with mountains shooting straight up the middle of the land mass means there are not a lot of roads.  What roads there are tend to be narrow and twisty.  This means that if you want to visit another part of the island, you should gas up and bring snacks.  If something is 20 miles away as the crow flies, it will likely take you 3 hours to get there due to the route you have to take.  The scenery is worth the drive though.  Everything from snowy mountain peaks to sunny beaches along the Pacific ocean is on offer. 

You should also bring a sharp eye and your appetite because there are some wonderful places to eat in the tiny little towns along whatever route you decide to take.  Some of these fine eateries may look like grandma’s house, but they turn out to be the realm of a culinary master.

If you like to adventure on trails, you are in luck as New Zealand has lots of trails.  If it so happens that you like hills, you are doubly lucky as most New Zealand trails go straight up, and of course straight down.  Trails can also be your most efficient way of getting from one place to another.  The last time we were in New Zealand, M ran 20 miles in the same time it took our hosts and myself to drive 200 miles to the other side of the trail in order to meet M.  Actually, we barely beat M to the other trailhead, but I think that was simply due to more horsepower on our side.

Other things to do and or see in New Zealand are whale watching, cruise ship tours, mountain climbing, or just finding good places to eat and gain some weight.  If you happen to have awesome friends with a cool house, you can also just sit in the living room and look out over the lake whose name you won’t be able to pronounce.

That’s all I have for now, hopefully I will continue this writing trend and have some more blog ideas soon.  If you have read this, thank you very much.  If you have questions, do what normal people do and google them, or if you are a husband, ask your wife. 

Go out and be good.
Chris

A Long Weekend in Vienna!

M and I are just back from our first trip to Vienna.  For those of you who may not remember anything about World Geography, Vienna is the largest city in Austria, which is quite different from Venice, which is a city on a peninsula in Italy.  I want to begin by stating that our trip to Vienna was one of the best we have ever taken.  Once we had sort of figured out how to get around using public transport, it was very easy to get where we wanted to go.  We heard the most fantastic music we’ve ever heard and had some wonderful meals as well.  And now for the details…


Our trip began on a Friday morning with a leisurely wake-up time of 3 a.m. in order to ensure our on-time arrival at Geneva airport for a 7 a.m. flight to Vienna.  We chose to drive ourselves to the airport for this trip because there are no shuttles quite so early in the morning.  Some of you will contend, and rightly so, that we could have taken the train to Geneva the day before and spent the night in the conveniently located Ibis hotel located a mere 10 minute walk from the airport. Since this would have added several hundred more euro to our trip, we chose the early drive instead.  We also felt that we needed more practice in driving ourselves to the airport because it is something we rarely attempt.
Like most good 21st century humans, we put the address of the airport parking lot into our car’s GPS system.  Since we also put the address into Google Maps on M’s phone, this meant that I, as the driver, had access to 3 different guidance systems.  The car GPS, Google Maps on M’s phone, and the GIANT GREEN SIGNS ALONG THE HIGHWAY THAT SAY, “AIRPORT”.  

The easiest method of getting to the airport is to follow the giant green signs.  In order to avoid any controversy, I highly suggest using this method.  Not knowing any better at the time, I chose to follow the directions of Gemma, which is the name M and I have given to the GPS system in our car.  As it turns out, Gemma does not know the best, or more importantly, least controversial way to get to the airport.  After we passed the giant green sign that directed us to the airport, M informed me that according to google maps, we should have followed the sign.  In order to make this blog reasonably short, I will now give a small bit of M’s commentary from the time we missed the turn and during the time we circled the entirety of Geneva while following Gemma’s instructions on how to get to the airport.  Since this blog is family friendly, I have chosen to lightly edit some of M’s commentary:
“Oh bleep!”  “You’ve got to be bleeping kidding me!” “Bleeppity bleep bleeping bleep!” “Bleep!”  “You should’ve bleep the bleeping bleep sign!”  “Gemma doesn’t bleeping bleep bleep!”  “Bleeeeeeepppp!”
That was all before we reached the bleeping parking garage.


Once safely in the Geneva airport, like all good trail runners, we immediately sought out a water fountain with which to fill our water bottles.  Actually, we first tried to get someone at one of the many cafes to fill our water bottle for us.  However, since we didn’t want to buy any of their expensive drinks or food, they would not give us any free water from their taps.  I am not sure how they justify this attitude towards something that saves the world from having 2 less plastic bottles to recycle.  The workers did direct us to the nearest bathroom where we could get the same water, also for free.  We ended up using the bathroom faucets because finding a water fountain in Geneva airport is like looking for a water fountain in the desert.  So far as we can tell, there is one water fountain in the whole Geneva airport.  It does at least put out an extremely puny stream of water that is so small you can’t get your water bottle under it in order to fill it with water.  So, the best advice is to use the sink in the bathroom.


Once we reached the Vienna airport, we sought out how to buy tickets for the train that takes you into the city.  It is very easy to buy tickets and also very easy to overspend on said tickets.  You can spend about 15-20 euros on the speedy train that takes you directly into the city with what I assume is few or even no stops along the way.  You can also do what M and I did and spend about 4 euros and take the normal train which does have some stops along the way and takes probably twice as long, but still is only around 30 minutes or so.  Or, your best option is to just go and get on the train because there is no place for any ticket checking and no person on the train to check if you bought a ticket.  Meaning that your trip is free.


M and I rode the train into Vienna and got off at one of the larger stations, which happened to be a short walk from our hotel.  Along the way to our hotel, I happened to notice that there was a business with a sign that said “Dance”, and I commented to M that it must be a studio where they teach various forms of dance.  M said that she didn’t think it was a “Dance Studio”.  Apparently the drawings of voluptuous female forms on the outside of the building convinced her it was some other type of “Dance Studio”.


After dropping off our luggage, we spent the rest of the day walking around Vienna and scouting out the locations of the various events we had chosen to attend.  Vienna is a beautiful city, with lots of very nice architecture including the obligatory massive Catholic church.  In this case, St. Stephen’s.  It is very impressive, especially considering it was built over several centuries, starting around 1135 AD.  


We quickly noticed that there are 3 separate lanes for moving about Vienna, depending on one’s mode of transportation. There is a pedestrian lane, a bike lane, and of course, a street for cars and buses. The really cool thing is that each lane has it’s own stop light!  We did take note of one thing that we think is peculiar to Austrian cyclists.  In most places, if there is a bike lane at all, the cyclists tend to congregate in clumps at the stop lights.  Not so in Vienna!  They all line up single file, just like cars.  Very orderly.


After exhausting our fit, trail running, mountain climbing selves by walking around completely flat Vienna for hours on end, we made it back to the hotel for check-in.  Since we were going to be attending events which required slightly more formal attire than our normal formal Chamonix attire of running shorts and t-shirts, M and I had purchased some new clothes.  After being packed in our bags, our new clothes needed to be ironed, and the hotel had an iron and ironing board available in the storage locker area.


I hauled my exhausted self and the clothes that needed ironing down to the storage locker area and proceeded to set up my clothes for ironing.  I fumbled around for a few minutes with the iron, trying to figure out which setting would be best for my clothes.  Luckily, there was a young girl who spoke German also in the locker area with her father.  I say luckily because I would have been trying for ages to iron my clothes with a cold iron if not for some advice, in German, from the young girl.  I don’t speak German, but fortunately the girl also pointed to the plug when she said that the iron would probably work better if it were plugged in.


Our first event in Vienna was an opera by Shostakovich.  It was Lady MacBeth of Mtsensk, and the spelling apparently varies depending on where you look.  The opera was held in, of all places, the Vienna State Opera House.  Unlike some Vienna businesses, (see “Dance” studio above)  they do have opera in the Vienna opera house and no false advertisement drawn on the outside of the building to sucker you in and present you with something totally different from what you thought based on their signage.  Anyway, the opera was in Russian but there were little screens in front of our seats where you could read a translation of what was being sung.  The music and singing was very impressive, but admittedly for us opera newbies, it was a lot to take in all at once.

Vienna State Opera House

Our next event was a Catholic Mass featuring singing by the Vienna Boys Choir.  The mass was in Latin and therefore totally incomprehensible to anyone not born several hundred years ago.  The Vienna Boys Choir was wonderful and sounded like you would expect a world famous boy’s choir to sound, which is to say fantastic.

Vienna Boys Choir

The last event we had tickets for was at the Musikverein, a concert hall that typically features the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra, which is itself famous around the world. However, somehow M managed to get tickets to see the Mahler Chamber Orchestra, which is like an All-Star orchestra made up of the best musicians from around the world.  To top that, the orchestra was being conducted by Andris Nelsons, who has won multiple Grammy awards and is currently the conductor for the Boston Symphony Orchestra.  The cherry on top of it all was a piano performance by Lang Lang, who is considered by many to currently be the world’s greatest pianist.  For American sports fans, the only comparison I can come up with is that this concert was like showing up to a Yankees game and instead of the current Yankees lineup, somehow the Yankees lineup from 1929 featuring Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig was playing.  Even if someone didn’t know anything about music at all, they would have easily recognized that they were amidst greatness.  Every note was perfect, and the sound was amazing.  There is really no way for me to describe how spectacular this concert was.  One simply had to be there.

Beethoven concert at the Musikverein with Lang Lang playing the piano.

I would like to take a moment and thank Michael Walter for his recommendations of the various events we saw and his skill and dedication to Scrabble.  


Now, go out and be consistent.

You Could Fall Down!

Recently I watched the YouTube film, Long Shorts.

The story in the film follows the 2021 season of two professional ultra runners, Francois D’haene and Courtney Dauwalter. They are two of the best ultra runners in the history of the sport.

Part of the film covers the biggest and most famous ultra race in the world, the Ultra Trail Du Mont Blanc. UTMB, as it is known, begins and ends in Chamonix, France. Beginning in downtown Chamonix, the race then goes over a lot of big mountain trails to Courmayeur, Italy. From Courmayeur, the race goes over more big mountain trails to Champex Lac, Switzerland. In keeping with the theme, the race then goes over even more big mountain trails back to Chamonix. The circle route is about 106 miles and has about 33,000 feet of climbing and 33,000 feet of descending. UTMB is the biggest and most famous ultra race in the world because it generally has the deepest and most competitive field among pro runners. It is not known for being the hardest race in the world from a physical standpoint, although it is certainly one of the most difficult. It is however, probably the most difficult race for the pros because of the depth and quality of the field.

For the sake of clarity, an ultra running race is any race that is greater than the marathon distance of 26.2 miles. The categories of ultra are generally, 50 kilometers (31 miles), 50 miles, 100 kilometers (63 miles), and 100+ miles. There are any number of ranges in the ultra category, so not all races fall into the above categories. Some races might be 28 miles, or for the truly umm, inquisitive runner, 200+ miles.

In order to enter the UTMB, a person must first prove themselves in a number of other races, some of which also have to be 100 miles or more. Once a person has accumulated enough qualifying points, they can then enter the lottery for a slot in the UTMB. Nearly 20,000 people each year enter the lottery for one of 2,500 slots. Professional runners also need to have a certain number of qualifying points, but they do not have to enter the lottery and can generally be in the race as long as they have qualified.

After watching the film, I decided it would be a good method for showing my relatives a small part of the area where M and I live, as well as some of the trails where we typically run. In the process of watching the film with my relatives, it became very clear that they had no idea what UTMB was, or any concept of the type of trails which are considered normal for running. As far as I could tell, the only thing any of my family members got out of the film was that mountain trails are dangerous, scary, and full of all manner of obstacles waiting to cause bodily harm.

A common refrain among my relatives upon seeing one of the trails featured in the UTMB was, “Wow! Look at those rocks!”. Other common phrases from family members were, “you could break an ankle!” and “that looks dangerous!”. Little did they know that ankles are not at the top of the list of concerns when trail running. How to survive to the top of the next hill without experiencing cardiac arrest is more of a concern.

Though the particular trail that my family members saw and thought of as dangerous is rather rocky, and therefore difficult, it is not uncommon amongst trails in the mountains. In fact, thousands of people, from little kids to people 70+ years old, climb the same trail featured near the end of the film every day during the summer. I think that people who are completely unfamiliar with trail running believe that trail runners are happily frolicking about on grassy hills like those seen in the movie, The Sound of Music. If that were the case, we’d all be professionals. Instead of happily frolicking, most trail runners typically look like they can barely put one foot in front of the other and are wondering if they have enough strength to breath in and out one more time. Or they are wondering how far they have to go to the nearest toilet.

Compared to road running, where stepping in a pot hole because you weren’t paying attention is among the greatest dangers, trail running is a minefield. Not paying attention while trail running could mean falling off a cliff, tripping on a rock, twisting an ankle, scraping your hands and knees, running into a tree, running into a tourist, pushing said tourist off a cliff, being bitten by a dog, snake, bear, tourist, trampled by a moose, or horde of tourists. In fact, it is fairly normal to come back from any trail run with blood on yourself or some other injury. I won’t even get started on trail running during the winter, which can involve post holing up to your waist, avalanches and tourists on skis.

I was hoping that my family members would see the film and remark about how beautiful the area is, or make a comment about what an amazing accomplishment it is for the people running UTMB. No. Instead, I got questions about running in the dark, running in the wind, running in the rain, running in the cold, running in the morning, running on a Saturday, running with other people, running with the bulls, running next to the cows, sheep, sheepdogs, shepherds, cow poop, sheep poop, dog poop, and poop poop. The answer to all those questions is, yes, you run with, or during, or through, all those things. Except the bulls because that is for crazy people.

None of my family members are runners, so maybe that is why they didn’t quite understand the film I showed them, or why it is that I and so many others run. Running makes you feel good. Running a lot and running a really long way can make you feel even better. Even if you don’t feel better, at least you’ve accomplished something real by moving yourself, under your own power, from one place to another. Accomplishing something real always makes you feel good.

My family members were not wrong in their assessments that trail running can be dangerous. It certainly can be if one is not present, particularly on the more technical trails. As long as you are cautious though, and remain present and aware of your surroundings, trail running is fun and beautiful.

As for M and I, we are getting ready to run during the most dangerous time of year…tourist season.

Go out and be consistent.

Learning about Aire’s

If you read the title and pronounced the last word “air,” congratulations, you can now speak a bit of French. If you tried to pronounce the “e” at the end of the word, you have failed and the French will treat you like a moron for thinking that any letter at the end of a word should be pronounced. Once you have learned not to pronounce most of the letters in any French word, you will be speaking French like a native. If you pronounced the word aire with some extra rrrr at the end, then bonus points for you and you must be French.

Now that you know how to pronounce the word, “aire,” you can learn what it means. The French definition means area, but for our purposes we will use the French road side sign definition which means, “toilet facilities, and possibly gas station/restaurant/charging port for your electric car, and/or all of the above.”

In the U.S., a rest area off of an interstate highway is typically a simple road side pull off that may or may not have a toilet facility. In France, an aire can also be a simple road side pull off, but it will typically have a gas station as well as some sort of restaurant facility along with a large parking area. Toilet facilities are always available and some aire’s even have showers available.

Photo Credit: Emily

As you can see in the above picture, the signs in this French aire leave no doubt as to what happens here. You might also find things that you absolutely would not expect to see, for example, an Amazon Locker. Yes, a place where you can have your Amazon order delivered and then pick it up when you happen to be at a road side aire in the middle of nowhere.

For Amazon delivery when you are on the go! Photo Credit: Emily

As far as I could tell, when Emily and I pulled over at the above pictured aire, we were not near any town or village. Yet there was this Amazon locker waiting for whomever chose to have their stuff delivered to a random aire parking lot.

Since you started reading this particular post, you have probably been thinking that I was writing about French aires because they are quite different from the simple rest areas in the U.S. That is partly true. The French aires seem to be a bit more high tech, with hands-free everything in the toilet wash area.

NO TOUCHING! Photo Credit: Emily

As you can see in the above picture, things are pretty fancy in some of the aires. However, the comparison to U.S. rest areas is not the real reason I am writing this post.

The real reason for writing this post is to try and explain the mind numbing pressure, the gut-wrenching tension, the sweaty palms and teeth grinding madness that comes when one tries to figure out how to drive into the car parking area at the aire. I know what you are all thinking: “Gee whiz Chris, you just drive in and follow the sign with the big “P” and a little car on it”. I used to think the same way until I encountered the minimum 47 signs with a big “P” and little car on them that are at all French aires.

What anyone traveling to a French aire for the first time does not realize, is that all but one of those 47 signs do nothing except lead back out onto the interstate, without having found the actual parking area. This is especially true when one or both passengers have to pee. If you are fortunate when you inexplicably find yourself back on the interstate, the next aire will only be 10k away. If you are not so fortunate, the next aire sign you see will say, “Aire For People Who Have No Gas and Really Have to Pee, 50km.”

Emily and I had our first experience trying to find the aire parking area on a recent road trip. Fortunately we were not in dire straits when after following the signs that indicated the place to park your car, we suddenly found ourselves with no option but to continue back on to the main highway. Confusion reigned as we tried to figure out what had just happened. Emily of course accused me of missing the sign. I informed her that this was impossible as there were at least 47 signs. We agreed that Emily would help at the next aire.

After a couple of hours we were 1 for 3 in actually getting to the parking area of the aire. By this time, Emily had also realized that things were not as simple as they seemed and that each aire entry would require a carefully laid out plan of attack. I would slow the car down to the pace of a sleepy snail, and Emily and I both would scan the various signs to try and ascertain which one actually led to the car park area.

After several more aire stops, we finally became more confident in our ability to follow the correct sign and not end up back on the interstate. We did encounter one final challenge though, and it was the biggest one of all.

You can see the big sign on the right, but do not let it fool you! Photo Credit: Emily

The biggest challenge we faced came on our way home. We had to stop for gas. This meant that we had to make sure we found an aire that had a gas station. It also meant that once we found an aire with a gas station, we had to navigate our way through 38 different signs indicating how to get to the gas pumps. Those were but minor inconveniences however, compared to finding a place to park the car after getting gas without accidentally ending up back on the interstate, without Emily, who was inside the store getting coffee. You can feel the tension now can’t you? Everyone knows, you CAN NOT LEAVE YOUR WINGMAN!

I had determined that I would drive over curbs or go off road if I had to, but I was not going to leave Emily at the aire. Also, I figured that if I did, she would quickly realize that I had tried to park the car after getting gas and was then helplessly jettisoned back out onto the interstate where I would quickly make my way to the next exit and come back for her. Or so I hoped.

Having learned my lesson about the dangers of French aire parking areas, I carefully made my way over to a parking spot with no problems. I went into the store and found Emily who was duly impressed and noticeably relieved when I told her I had moved the car with no issues.

I am happy to report that we have since done a second road trip and had no issues finding the car parking area and no one was left behind. We consider ourselves fully educated regarding French aires now. Feel free to ask for advice if you are considering a French road trip.

Go out and be consistent.

Sally

There are times in life when we are fortunate to meet people who affect us in a way that makes us want to spend more time with them. If I had known when we moved to France that our neighbor Sally was going to be one of those people, I would have done all I could to get to know Sally right away.

One of the first things I learned about Sally, was that she and I liked the same type of books and many of the same authors. Sally and I were also able to introduce one another to new authors, which I greatly appreciated.

I also learned fairly quickly that Sally had a rapier wit. She was very quiet, but more often than not, when she spoke it was to say something that made those around her laugh out loud. As an example of Sally’s sense of humor, one day, Sally’s husband Clive came by our place to ask if we had a small screwdriver. I told Clive that I did and that I would be down to help him. I grabbed our tool box, which actually contained not one tool other than eight various screwdrivers, and headed down to help Clive. I knocked on the door of Clive and Sally’s flat and went inside toting my toolbox. Sally was standing in the kitchen cooking, and the second she saw me, she feigned palpitations with her hand on her chest and said dramatically, “Ohhh, a man with a toolbox!” as if I were the sexiest man she’d ever seen. I almost dropped the toolbox because I was laughing so hard.

Sally appreciated a good joke as well, even if she was somehow intertwined with the joke. At one of our neighborhood gatherings, I told a joke about a woman who went to a finishing school. Sally laughed as hard as anyone else and had Clive not alerted us, we never would have known that Sally had actually gone to a finishing school!

Besides her sense of humor, I also appreciated Sally’s toughness. She battled cancer for over twenty years. Though she had numerous health problems associated with cancer and its accompanying treatments and often times was in a great deal of pain, I never heard her complain. In my mind I picture her waking each day and telling her various ailments to “bugger off!” and getting on with her day.

The time I got to spend with Sally enriched my life more than she could have imagined, and I will be forever grateful. I only wish she had more time to give. I am proud to have been able to call Sally a friend even though it was only for a short while.

Go out and be consistent.

Unexpected music in unexpected places.

One of the great philosophers of our time, Forrest Gump, once said, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what yur goan git.” (Misspelling used for quotation accuracy.) This piece of wisdom applies to many different life scenarios, but for the purposes of this blog, I am going to apply the quote to music heard while in a store or business. Specifically, music in French grocery stores.

In the United States of America (USA), people can generally expect to go into a grocery store and hear one of two types of music. One will hear elevator music, which generally consists of songs one recognizes but horribly rendered on an electric piano keyboard and without vocals. Or one will hear what is generally termed, easy listening, or soft rock. Basically music that would not be considered controversial in any mix of people. A person may not like the music they are hearing, and they may even think it is boring or not something they would normally listen to if given a choice. In fact, after a couple of minutes in the store, most people have stopped hearing the music as anything other than background noise. This is less likely to occur in French grocery stores.

In French grocery stores, our Forrest Gump quote becomes applicable because you never know what you are going to hear while checking the ripeness of your peaches. One would naturally expect to hear the French version of elevator music or soft rock. Native French music is heard in the grocery store, but it is exceedingly rare. Typically if you do hear native French music, it is some French pop song in it’s original form, not stripped down and turned into elevator music. More often than not, you will hear music that even if you do not recognize the tune, you will certainly recognize that the person is singing in English. More probably you will recognize and be able to sing along with the music.

I will use today’s grocery trip as an example. Not long after entering the store it was hard not to add a little groove to my grocery shopping step with George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic playing, “We Want the Funk.” I thought this was an apt song when one is searching for just the right French cheese. Immediately after George Clinton, none other than Marvin Gaye was needing some, “Sexual Healing.” I am not certain Marvin’s song can be applied to shopping as was, “We Want the Funk,” but the quality of the tunes certainly made searching for my gluten-free bread more entertaining.

I have also heard the following in the local grocery store: Eminem, Survivor, Snoop Dogg, The Temptations, the Stones, the Beatles, Sting, Springsteen, Elvis, Gun’s N’ Roses, Van Halen, Louis Armstrong, Salt N’ Peppa, and the list goes on. One of my favorites that is frequently played is Michael Jackson.

As some reading this will no doubt know, some of the artists listed above tend to have lyrics that would never be played over a PA system in a grocery store in the USA because someone would no doubt be offended. Not so in French grocery stores, where the songs are played regardless of the lyrics. I am eagerly awaiting the day when I see an elderly French lady mouthing the words to Snoop’s “Gin and Juice” while perusing the juice aisle. I can also imagine old Francise (around here better known as, “The Grumpy Butcher”) making up his own lyrics to Eminem’s, “Without Me.” Something along the lines of, “ham and prosciutto, get all you can see, but there is no beef, without me!”

I have used the grocery store as an example for this blog, but this unexpected music happens in other French businesses as well. Take for example a recent trip to the doctor’s office where the receptionist was actually singing along with the music coming over the speakers in the waiting area. What artist was she singing along with you ask? None other than the aforementioned, Snoop Dogg. It should not have been too surprising, considering the doc has a Metallica poster on the wall of his office.

Possibly the most unexpected place I have heard music here in France was in a place that I now believe should always have music, considering these particular places are typically gloomy. Parking garages. It is a most pleasant experience to get out of your car in a dark and dreary multi-story parking garage and hear Mozart. The concrete acoustics somehow work well with the strings of a Mozart symphony.

Go out and be consistent.

*If anyone would like to get a better sense of France, I highly recommend reading any of Peter Mayle’s non-fiction books, such as “A Year in Provence.”

Things overheard regarding Covid19

Since the beginning of the Covid19 pandemic I have heard various rumors regarding the virus.  Most all of these rumors have come from people who read that bastion of knowledge, that haven of academia, that font of truth, Facebook.

I do not know why people have not yet realized that any information reported by their “friends”, on Facebook is not necessarily accurate and likely false.  I think it has something to do with the fact that people can no longer tolerate uncertainty.  When they see something that conforms to the way they think, even if it is ridiculous, they jump on the bandwagon and repeat whatever backs up their perspective.  With so much information readily available, people do not bother to ask themselves whether or not something makes any sense or is logical.  After first being frustrated at people’s lack of logic regarding these rumors, I realized how comical the rumors were and decided to do a little analysis.

  1. THERE IS A CURE!
  2. THERE ARE ONLY MORE CASES BECAUSE THERE IS MORE TESTING!
  3. HOSPITALS GET PAID!
  4. THE VIRUS CAN’T SURVIVE IN THE HEAT!
  5. MASK WEARING TECHNIQUE!
  6. MASK WEARING IS SIMPLY A WAY FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO CONTROL EVERYONE.

Number 1 above refers to the rumor that there is actually a “cure” for COVID-19, but the pharmaceutical companies are not willing to let the public have this cure because the price the pharmaceutical companies get for the cure is too cheap.  Therefore the pharmaceutical companies are secretly hoarding this cure until the price they can get for it goes up and they can make more money.

There are so many things wrong with this idea, it is hard to know where to begin.  Let me start with the most obvious problem which is that this rumor does not have a single specific piece of evidence.  It simply lumps all pharmaceutical companies together as if they are all one company rather than competing businesses.

Speaking of business, this leads to another thing wrong with this rumor.  Let us say that a company could get $1 for every dose of their miracle cure.  Assuming that at least 1/7 of the people in the world would want this cure and there are 7 Billion plus people in the world, that equals a minimum 1 Billion dollars.  There simply are not any companies that I know of that would say, “No, we don’t want a billion dollars and the possibility of being the company known for creating this cure and thereby creating multiple other business opportunities for ourselves”.  I could go on about this one, but let us keep moving forward.

Rumor number 2 above absolutely begs for the still popular elementary and teenage phrase of the century, “DUH!”  Stating that there are more positive cases because there is more testing is like saying, “If you have one basket of apples and you add another basket of apples, you have…TWO BASKETS OF APPLES.”  I am not sure what people were trying to prove with this statement.  For some reason, I think people thought this was a bad thing, instead of realizing that finding out more people were sick is one of the only ways to actually help those sick people.

Rumor number 3, “Hospitals get paid when they say people died of Covid” is one of my favorites.  This rumor is accusing hospitals and furthermore, doctors, of falsifying information regarding causes of death, as well as accusing hospitals and doctors of letting people die so that the hospital can get more government money.

First of all, I am not sure from which government program this money is coming, as the rumor of course does not specify.  Personally, I think it comes from the cabal of Jews who secretly control the world financial industry.

Secondly, this rumor accuses doctors and hospitals of going against the Hippocratic oath. “First, do no harm.”  I think letting people die for the sake of monetary gain goes against this oath.  Not to mention the fact that falsifying causes of death is most likely a crime.

Rumor number 4 that the virus can’t survive in the heat was proven false when most of Africa and India got sick.  For those that do not know, those places are hot basically all the time.  As if that were not enough, when colleges and universities began letting their athletes return to practice, one of the first places to have to shut down their return to play program because of an increase in positive tests was the University of Houston where it is hot most of the time as well.

Number 5 above isn’t a rumor so much as it is a critique of mask wearing technique.  We have all seen, and possibly been guilty of this ourselves as well,  people walking around with the mask under their nose or down around their chin or one of my personal favorites, over the nose but having the bottom somehow flopping around instead of form fitting around the mouth.  A recent guest on the Rich Roll podcast had the best comment (if a little off-color) which I will paraphrase here.  Wearing your mask with your nose uncovered is like walking around with your dick hanging out.  Why even wear pants?  The masks are at best a stop-gap measure so wearing them incorrectly utterly defeats the purpose.  It is a simple thing to have a care for your fellow human beings and wear your mask over your nose and mouth.

Number 6 above is an argument that I have only recently come across.  For some reason, some people have decided that wearing a mask is a way for the government to exert more control over their citizenry.  Well, okay, or it could just be a very simple thing to do that might save someone’s life.

When the Chinese invented Covid-19 in a secret lab in order to kill off a large majority of the world’s population, I do not think they anticipated the further benefit of creating an increasing number of dumb people.

Go out and be consistent!

What Happened to the Skier?

For those who may not know, there is a virus going around.  I know this will come as a shock to most of you because you do not watch the news or look at any sort of social media.

A couple of weeks ago, M and I took a trip down to a lovely place called Annecy.  We went there to take advantage of their much drier and snow free trails and get in a longer run.  Annecy is a town near Switzerland that has been around since the 1300’s.  According to what I have read, beginning in the 1400’s, Swiss royalty used Annecy as a vacation spot.  Like Kennebunkport, or Mar-a-Lago but with history. The older part of Annecy has cobbled streets and a Venice-like canal (only with clean water) running through the middle of the village.

IMG_1747
Annecy old village

There are also some churches featuring beautiful stained glass, cool architecture and an M, although that last feature was only temporary.

IMG_1746
Church! (Snoop says that a lot and I thought it was funny.)

M and I had a wonderful time running in Annecy.  We even managed to bump into Hillary Allen, a famous American trail runner, while we were out on the trails.  M and I were taking a break (that means trying to figure out where we were and where we were going) when I looked up and saw Hillary coming down the trail toward us.  I said, “Here comes Hillary Allen,” rather loudly so she would know that we recognized her.  Her response was typical of Americans on European mountain trails.  “YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!” For Americans who do not speak French, it is always a treat to come upon a fellow countryman and not have to worry about how to communicate.

IMG_1749
Looking down on Annecy from the trail.

While M and I were in Annecy, the virus shutdown was instituted here in France.  Since Le Tour, where we live, is a ski area, and all ski areas were closed, M and I expected the ski area parking lot to be empty when we arrived home Sunday afternoon.  As we drove up the hill towards our village, we could see that not only was the parking lot not empty, it was jam packed!  People were skinning and hiking up the mountain and enjoying a beautiful spring day.  French authorities quickly realized this could be a problem.  The authorities worried, and rightly so, that people could get hurt on the mountain and require emergency services that were needed to aid sick people.  French authorities then put out a new rule that forbid any activities at the ski areas.  At first, many people ignored this order and were still skinning up the various ski areas.

In order to prevent people from disobeying the new rules, police were stationed at the base of the mountain to prevent people from going up.  The police presence began to work and people were staying off the mountain.  However, the police cannot be stationed at the base of the mountain all day, every day.   Therefore, not everyone heeded the new rules.  A few people were sneaking up the mountain when the police were not around.  This leads to the title of this blog.

About one week ago, M and I were in our apartment, following our normal quarantine routine.  This means that M was working, and I was focused on my most demanding task of the day, breathing regularly.  Sometime in the afternoon, we noticed that a helicopter was flying endless laps across our valley.  Picture Le Tour as a big upside down “U” with the village being at the open end and mountains making up the straight parts and curve of the “U”.  The helicopter was flying back and forth, back and forth, for quite a long time.  It is not unusual to hear helicopters in the Chamonix valley as they are used for lots of jobs in the mountains.  It is unusual to hear one doing laps above our village when the ski area is closed and there are no tourists about as there are in the summer.  M and I decided to go for a walk to see if we could determine what the helicopter was up to.

As we ascended the hill towards the base of the lift station, we noted that there were no police present at the base of the ski area to prevent rebellious skiers.  M and I made our way up to the base of the lift station and stood looking up at the mountain.  We watched the helicopter fly back and forth for a bit and noted the large amount of melting that had taken place on the ski runs.  Suddenly, M and I noticed a lone skier coming down the mountain.  We watched him descend for a few minutes, noting that he eventually skied very fast across the mountain towards the Vormaine.  The Vormaine is directly behind our apartment and is what Americans would call a bunny slope.  It is used for beginner skiers and boarders and ski school classes during the ski season.  During the winter, M and I would typically access the main ski area by starting at the Vormaine and skinning across from the Vormaine over to the main ski area.  Access to the Vormaine is well away from the base of the main ski area lift station.  I describe all of this so you can now picture how the skier got away from the police.

As it turns out, the helicopter was doing a random flyover of the mountain to check for skiers out having illegal fun.  When M and I walked back down to the parking lot from the base of the lift station, two policeman were walking up towards the base of the lift station because that is where skiers typically end their ski.  The police had been called by the helicopter pilot to come and catch the evil skier!  Due to the lack of urgency in the policemen’s walk, M and I determined that they were not excited about busting the rabbel-rouser.  Even if the police had been more willing to catch the skier, it would not have mattered.  The skier’s clever plan to ski across the Vormaine meant that he was at least a quarter of a mile away and possibly already back in his home, if he lives in Le Tour.

So to answer the question in the title of this blog, the skier got away.  Since that time, there has been no more high adventure here in the village, although we did see three local teenagers sledding at the Vormaine the other day.  Rebels.

M and I hope you are all in good health.

Don’t let the virus stop you from going out and being consistent, in a socially distanced manner.